Promise Me Ascension: From My Broken Wings
by Corrode
Summary: Inspired by the episode ' The End ' Girl living in survival compound meets and becomes friends with Cas, lots of angst-she doesn't know he used to be an angel-helps him deal. Warnings for later chapters smutt, language, and violence-all the good stuff
1. Chapter 1

_Hey guys don't ask me if I know where this story is going cause I don't-but my muse insisted-and she is very stubborn when she doesn't get her way. What I do know so far is I want this story to be about a girl surviving as best she can in a survival compound, and her sudden friendship/ probably more- with a very angsty ex angel. Course I'm not sure if I will keep him as an ex-angel….really I could do just about anything considering the episode left so much open to guess at-crap what if there was an eventual happy ending in the Apocalyptic world-so many directions to go—fixen a broken world and all. Don't worry all the characters will still be in on the fun…wow actually I am excited-no outline at all just me and EC characters with some of my own of course. Love you all, the rest of the chapter is done it's just in first draft-gotta go over it shouldn't take too long-editing is faster than the actual writing. Luv's Corrode_

**Promise Me Ascension:**

**From My Broken Wings**

**Prologue**

Tracy was lost again, she'd seemed to be doing that a lot lately; she would just zone out on the skyline- tripping along on legs made of filament and rapidly realize she was somewhere she couldn't identify. This was not a good thing considering the whole crazed zombie like populace that surrounded every major town and city. For the second time in weeks Tracy wondered if she might be losing her mind, slowly but surely going a little insane- like a faucet- one drip at a time.

Her bare feet stumbled along in the darkness, the heavy foil edge smelled full and earthy, alive, her surroundings breathing with insects and thick perspirations. She was reminded of snow white- alone and terrified in the nighttime woods. But she supposed so many of her feelings were dulled by the steady edge of ever pressing danger-the atmosphere overwhelming-a constant- and crazy as it sounded it had become comfortable over time.

She glanced around her into the shrub lined darkness eyes hazed and dilating with the effort of knowing where she was. But she didn't think she had ever been to this part of camp, and wondered how she'd managed to get here without being spotted drifting in the dark. After all, it wasn't restricted to go moonlighting, it was more like an unspoken rule, possibly dangerous and their fore understood.

Okay- so she hadn't meant to go wandering like a dumbass into the warm night. Just to step out a few feet from what she had started to feel like was her world. A small cabin she shared with so many others that smelled of water, and sweat-fear and tears. No, perhaps she hadn't consciously wandered off but been trying in some way to break out of this new reality. A reality Tracy wasn't sure she wanted part in.

The dull hum of the locusts and the music of the crickets played against her mind -awakening her to the quiet beauty of her surroundings. Tracy tipped her head up towards the moon and the stars, awed by the highway of lighted fairy dust, she chuckled softly. It felt good. Felt good to find some regularity of her old life-as simple as finding joy in the constellations above.

Watching the sky- she'd always been dreaming of far off places when she was growing up….Adventure she had thought at the time. Suppose her take on adventure had not included the desolation of losing one's family; nore the burning ache of muscles sore from running, or hiding in cramped alleyways. Guess she should be happy she found some kind of sanctuary; even if that piece of heaven felt so listlessly dark. She wondered if she was just losing the will to fight-worried that there was nothing more for her to want to fight for.

Everything was so twisted, so corrupted by the chaos that was Armageddon. Everyone seemed to find something to poor themselves into, even if it was just the idea of saving what was left of the planet. Tracy herself had no passion, no will, or reverence to find her coping niche.

And she prayed then, eyes uplifted, lips moving in slight duration. Tracy prayed for some kind of miracle…..Because even through all this Tracy still believed in the Alpha and the Omega…Tracy stile believed in God. Because she had to believe that there would be some big reveal in the end-some kind of final justice. No-she was not pious by any meaning of the word. She only needed something to hold onto.

She had forgotten what it felt like to feel this way. It was a strange bit of hope in an awkward situation. She felt God everywhere around her in the trees, in the stars-a pure essence of divine creation. So Tracy was sad but she had not lost complete hope.

That was when Tracy heard it, it was soft and breathy before being joined by light and tinkling- and a weird kind of shared laughter that had Tracy listening and following before she knew what she was up to. She stepped barefooted through the untamed grass. Tracy was heedless of the warnings, the small voices telling her not to follow the sounds. But her inquisitiveness got the best of her. And here she stood.

It was a small cabin set back inside a few outbuildings stile alight from inside and the glow was welcoming. The muted candles like a chorus of lighthouses pulling her to shore. The sounds coming from inside were indistinguishable and drew Tracy closer. It was the sound of pleasure, volatile pleasure, nothing like her own cabin-and as she drew up side the pentacle of glowing rectangle like a damn moth to a forbidden flame the breathy pants deepened into a chorus of female voices. She thought the peculiarity of the situation could not be ignored. Perplexed and too damn curious for her own good she twisted her body midstride onto the ledge below the window slowly peeking upwards at a very cautious speed.

She wasn't sure this was a good idea…..had never considered being a peeping tom before but couldn't seem to stop herself from this act of the taboo-spying on what was obviously sexual in nature but sounded more like a parade than a one on one kind of thing.

Tracy's eyes widened when she saw how right she had been and if she wasn't frozen in place she would probably of bolted like a noisy child. She kind of felt like a child anyhow like she was walking in on her parents. She'd never seen herself as an innocent in the ways of the flesh but she felt her skin coloring at the sight before her.

The room was sparse save for pretty carpets, flickers of candles-heaped randomly around the wooden surroundings. There were statues and talismans of different faiths sitting on their burnished thrones, the eyes of bronze being the only spectator-curtained beads in the doorway, and a makeshift bed in the corner. The smell of sandalwood burned silken patterns through the air. And pile's of books stacked around, tilting and aged. But the heady scent of incense and the leather bound books was not the only smell to permeate the air.

Slapping, gliding bodies glistened in the center-and the smell of sex pulled through all the others.

There was one…..two…..three…wait was that a forth underneath….and **ONE **_man…. _

Tracy stifled a gasp, finding herself recovering quickly as she considered why there would be this man living in a survival compound surrounding him self with a harem of women. Well, she supposed it wasn't the worst way to spend your time now days. So yeah, instead of the revulsion she would think she should be feeling it was a slight curiosity and throbbing anticipation-that when recognized surprised and worried her.

Not that she wanted to join; she'd outgrown any orgy fascination years ago after an unfortunate run in with an ex. That had been awkward…..

Yet, something stile pulled at her core-unleashing all the missed intimacy of nowadays into a freshly blossomed interest…a conflicted interest in her own mind.

And damn it, when _**he**_ (Mr. Head conductor she figured) surfaced from the tide of skin- his fingers teasing and mouth fastened to one pale curved shoulder she almost lost her balance as two bright blue eyes focused onto hers.

And he smiled.

_**A/N: Reviews are welcomed been playing with this idea for a while let me know what you think-luvs and doves and angel hugs ;P**_


	2. Chapter 2

**This was gonna be a longer chapter but once I started to edit….the ending seemed to come more naturally after so much more info…..and the whole emotional back story took on a life of it's own….the Castiel of now in the series came to life and many of my how he got to be orgy Cas sprung to life…..So here it is, hope you guys like it. By the way this is set couple years before the episode '' The End'' right around the time the world is really starting to go down the tubes….just so you know.**

**luvs Corrode**

**Chapter Two**

**Timeless Blue Eyes **

''**No one knows what it's like to be the bad man, to be the sad man, behind blue eyes. No one knows what it's like to be hated, to be fated, to telling only lies. But my dreams they aren't as empty as my conscience seems to be. I have hours only lonely- my love is vengeance that's never free. No one knows what it's like to feel these feelings, like I do-and I blame you. No one bites back as hard on their anger, none of my pain and woe can show through''-**_**Behind Blue Eyes- The Who**_

Castiel felt the girl/woman's presence before she looked up over the edge of his window. How was one supposed to feel in this situation, he considered….he supposed discomfited at best. But he didn't feel that way at all. He'd heard the tiny flutter of her thoughts as she neared his presence, like minuscule fingers of sparking GPS- some of what was left of his angel energy. And taken to separating part of his mind from the task he was performing with a practiced hand. He was still able to perform many chores at once there just weren't as many to perform now days. Castiel choose not to dwell on that idea pushing things that caused him pain out of his hemisphere.

He'd gotten good at that.

Castiel then smiled when she found such simple joy in the night sky wondering and poking at the other feelings she had spilling out from beneath that joy. He wanted to prod her with his spirit into divulging such secretes but upon becoming mostly human had found that doing so was inappropriate, and out of social standards.

Yes, he remembered joy…seemed now days all he had was a small piece of that-it had just become too ordinary an occasion to feel comforted in what had before given him comfort. Now the closest Castiel came to a touch of Heavens light was usually from a bottle or in pill form, he found it dulled that ache in his soul…..that place that felt vast and empty, impossibly so.

So Castiel was intrigued by her joy, which held the edges of some unnamed pain- as she perched outside his window drawn in by her curiosity. And when the girl gasped he felt pleasure in her reddening cheeks; however to his chagrin the girl hadn't looked away. Something in this action gave him a small measure of joy as well. Like her eyes fastened quick and darting, embarrassed but enthralled was only for him.

It reminded Castiel of times when he was stationed watching and silent, unable to intercede.

But also her manner bemused him slightly because he was so sure the pureness he felt within her would have her up and running at a sprint. Castiel thought she was young by the innocence of her soul but now wondered as her blood and heart accelerated if that were true. His spirit detected a golden white glow, edged with pink- a mark of innocence he hadn't felt in years. It swirled inside something hidden, a layer of condensed energy buried- that seemed to eddy out of his reach just as he thought he might know what it held.

Castiel longed to know this energy that was hers alone.

So okay his '' angel mojo '' as Dean called it, wasn't was it used to be and seemed to be lessening with each day but he'd always been good at reading people even if not always comprehending the why of their thoughts. Shifting beneath the sigh of mingled bodies he focused in closer on the girl wanting to prove himself competent at this one simple angle task. She was defiantly not as naive as he at first thought-as her growing arousal surged outward, it catapulted his own and again he was pleased. Pleased by the downy feel of her eyes and thoughts, pleased by the tingle of her anticipation lightening with his, and pleased as he found her liquid eyes startled when he caught her watching.

Tracy's mouth and eyes fell open when neither she nor the stranger would look away; it was like a small battle of wills was taking place as if as ridiculous as it sounded he could see inside of her, inside of her everything. And she was staring him down betting him to do just that; as if Tracy was laying herself open for this strangers blue eyed appraisal-the lambada without the rose and music. It seemed a forbidden dance indeed and had Tracy imagining all sorts of lurid things beneath those blue eyes of his. Yet, surely this was not the best way to be caught- with her hand in prudential cookie jar-shouldn't she be doing…something-other than drinking in this man with the beautiful eyes.

For some reason- blue eyes- felt different than anyone she'd ever met-sure he looked like a regular guy if perhaps a bit scruffy around the edges-but who wasn't now days. She just felt like this man-should be, or already was something different than he appeared. And she was drawn to him even if he was conducting a group train in his cabin.

His gaze held a strange kind of ancient knowledge; which so, clashed with his hippy like exterior, that she wondered if the smile was just for show. Could there be there was more buried beneath the surface, she questioned.

He captivated her. And she felt swept away in the moment….time seemed to slow and she'd even forgotten about the writhing mass of other women at his beck and call. _God give me the strength to ignore this beautiful angel of a man with his harem of woman-she prayed silently in litany._

If only she'd known how right she was about the angel part. (But that would come later)

'' What the hell are you doing..'' Tracy turned sharply towards the new voice falling off the ledge in the process-_shit_ if only she'd run when she had the chance.

Peering up through her long wavy dark hair she found the angry eyes of a man with a gun and couldn't seem to find a voice for her objections. After a second of stunned silence she recognized the new arrival and could've beaten herself in the head. She'd only seen him a handful of times before but there was no forgetting that powerful green stare, or the hard edge of steel that was now directed at her. His light brown golden hair stood black in the shadows; somehow the predatory gleam of those green eyes caught the moonlight and generated lamplight- standing stark like Nosferatu.

Stretched across his otherwise handsome face was contempt she didn't feel was deserved. But the two years since Lucifer's rise had painted him into a hardened man…A man who had no time for her schoolgirl silliness interrupting his recon in the middle of the night.

Tracy remembered a rare occasion where he had been smiling in the soup kitchen and her breath had caught at the site of this man in what must have been his former glory-flirting with the girl on the other end of the table. It was like sunshine breaking over a stormy sea….Tracy vowed then to stay away from that one. Because he was just too pretty, too dangerous, and too hot-headed, the kind of man who would leave her in the dust before she had the chance to finish buttoning her dress.

And now here he stood three months later pointing a very lethal looking gun in her startled face. _God save me from beautiful men…_Tracy shuttered.

This was Dean Winchester-the last person one wanted to tangle with in the middle of night-pissed and with a gun. Tracy knew that now more than she ever would have liked to have known it in the past. And why the hell did he look so angry at her….she was at a loss as to whether she should be pissed and spitting venom, or trying not to move and hoping he would leave her alone(like the rattle snake he looked like to her). But words jumbled out anyway, thanks to her nervous, no mouth to brain reflex, and it was decided for her.

'' Taking a walk…'' she answered lamely.

'' Right..'' he glared back, sarcastic in tone as she lowered her head completely mortified before he continued his lips pursing and hand scrubbing his jaw line. The faint scratch his palm made sounded around the hanging tension, or was it just her-breath held for his response.

Tracy didn't know why but felt the line of voracious gaze and bunching muscles might just have offered other diversions if she only but gave a nod. And _he_ seemed to be considering with a tilt of his head if that would be the case. He shook his head slightly a small twitch of his lips, barely perceivable in the light and looked her over from head to foot.

Tracy scoffed, and folded her bottom lip in what she thought was intimating and instead looked adorably too young. She blew at the stray curl and waited for him to form words.

'' And since when does taking a walk involve peeping in windows…'' He questioned with surprising laughter in his voice.

_As if he'd never done any peeping of his own, Tracy thought. _

Tracy choose then to play the innocent she knew she looked that way through no fault of her own, just a joke of genetics and adopted a wide-eyed gaze, full fit with trembling lips and shinning eyes. You learned quickly in this new burnt out world to follow instinct and to play on your strengths.

She'd show Big Bad Wolf her Little Red Riding Hood.

Tracy would gauge his reaction.

Too bad part of her did feel like a child under his sharp green eyes. Oh well, her trepidation would make her imprauv that much more realistic.

'' I…..well….um….heard noises….''she answered realizing with utter shame she was on the verge of tears, she hadn't meant to actually cry, and it was suddenly like a dam had burst. _God of all the times to cry-why_ _now_-she swallowed eyes brightening as the man named Dean looked down at her in exasperation.

'' I'll bet you did…..'' he grumbled sighing and offering a hand, Tracy looked up in surprise.

'' You know you shouldn't be out here….'' He stated shoving his hand out further because she couldn't seem to get her brain to respond to her shaking legs.

So Dean stooped down coming eye level with the small Elvin looking creature who'd been staring in through his friend's windows like she was at the frickin zoo or something. That's when he saw the luminesant tears gathering in her eyes, damnit Cas-must of scared the shit out of this poor girl.

His friend's extracurricular activities must have petrified the girl.

Tracy took in Dean's silence and felt like a stupid coward….he probably thought she was a pervert. Her contemplation broke through her bravado and made her feel ashamed. Made her feel like the child she probably seemed. She didn't know what to say.

'' I didn't mean to….I didn't….'' she stuttered out, stumbling over her words like the idiot she felt like before feeling the tears finally break through. Okay, so yeah it wasn't just the situation it was everything, all the crap she'd been through just to get to this place-and damnit she was tired of always coming up on shit hill.

Dean looked at the poor girl not sure what to do he noticed the group of women dancing and laughing their way out of Cas's cabin…Cas leaning out over the railing and telling them to return at anytime, as if he was oblivious to this embarrassing development. And here Dean was stuck with this scared shit-less girl who'd probably gotten more than a fair look inside at his friend's orgy and freaked out. That had to be the reason she was this upset, right?

She looked too small to understand what had really been going on through that window, for all she knew it was some weird kind of fleshy sacrifice. Especially, with all the bad shit going down nowadays.

So Dean stood in the light of his friend's window and did the only thing he could think to do to rectify the situation….he called Cas over. He was worried it might scare the girl more, but she would need to hear from Castiel that no one was hurt-to see and understand with her own eyes.

Dean stood in front of the prone girl so that when his friend appeared she might not bolt like a skittish colt.

Castiel wasn't surprised to find Dean standing outside his cabin; Dean hadn't exactly approached quietly when he'd yelled at the girl. His eyes focused below the shadow of his window to where the girl still sat hair a jumble of curls, waves and stranded braids around her shoulders and back. She looked as young as he thought she was until he saw the curves beneath the baggy tank, and loose cargo pants.

Castiel could feel her sorrow in waves even before he rounded towards Dean looking down at her sodden slanted eyes that shone wet. Castiel thought she looked beautiful even in her misery and part of him reached out towards her. His fundamental nature mingling with the beauty he'd seen in hers earlier; yet he stood still for a second, quiet in his own thoughts.

Much like the angel he'd been years ago as he'd studied Dean upon their first meeting, and he wondered what it was about this girl that enthralled him so-brushing past Dean he urged himself closer to the small creature. There was something there but he yet couldn't capture the exact reason he felt that way.

'' What did you say to upset her…'' Cas asked blaming Dean for the girls state, after all she looked so small and delicate-it wasn't a wonder Dean had startled her, with Dean's habit for jumping first to anger, and later to thought.

'' What did _I _say..'' Dean asked disbelieving Cas would blame him for what was so obviously Cas's fault.

Tracy had heard the other man come around the corner, had shifted slightly as the jean clad legs bent to look into her face and had tried to quiet herself as the same blue eyes came into view. He looked troubled by her tears, his countenance darkened as he brushed a strand from her face and whipped at her tears. She should've been embarrassed but for some reason the blue of his eyes took that away. And she felt that timelessness again behind his eyes, woven like a tapestry of warmth around them.

She heard their voices now as they fought over why she was crying and realized each blamed the other.

She couldn't tell them the real reason had nothing to do with either-she'd sealed her past away long ago-lest she lose that little bit of sanity she had left.

'' Don't you think you were a little harsh Dean…'' the man with the deep and lovely voice asked, the man with the timeless blue eyes.

'' Me….look at the girl can't be no older than fourteen…..and seeing whatever you were doing in their….''

Tracy interrupted when she processed the '' _no older than fourteen_ ''- what the hell, she knew she looked young but that was pushing it.

And that was when her annoyance irrupted.

_Dear God give me strength…._she thought, at which point Castiel looked at her with something unreadable in his eyes….as if he'd heard her plea.

From tears to anger-I must be losing it she thought, or going Manic.

'' I'm twenty-five thank you….'' she stormed up on her feet as her temper got the best of her, it was a sore spot, the whole age thing she'd been teased her whole life about it. It was hard to get a decent boyfriend when you looked like jail bait.

Both men turned to her in surprise.

Well, sweet and innocent had some fire in her, Dean thought, cocking a grin sideways towards Cas.

This only pissed Tracy off more-he was laughing at her.

'' Dean, I think you are only making her angrier….'' Castiel stated, not adding that her aura was now sparking dangerously close to crimson. Not to mention the copious things she was thinking of doing to the older Winchester.

Castiel bit back a laugh when Dean, of course, only made it worse.

'' Really, sweet heart…'' Dean drawled seeing her curves as she stood and seeming to be committing every detail for later contemplation.

'' So what were you _doing_ spying in Cas's window..'' the statement loaded with sexual innuendo.

To her credit, Castiel thought, with some admiration, she didn't give Dean the satisfaction of an answer (even if Castiel would like to hear the explanation himself) she instead glared daggers at Dean and folded her arms. The red in her aura slowly dying down to a light crackle. But not before offering up a silent prayer for strength-something Castiel found puzzling. Because Cas could feel the unearthly hum of her communion and recognized it but didn't know why.

It felt like she had somehow reached out and held that which was most holy, that which he himself felt less and less now.

He'd stopped praying what seemed like eons ago….Castiel had lost not only his angel, his brothers, his sisters…..But he had lost faith.

'' I was fooled myself at first Dean….she's older than she seems..'' Castiel said as way of filling in the silence he felt.

'' So you two um….know, each other..'' Dean asked, fidgeting at the prospect- one less fling for him.

'' No….I felt her…'' Cas said deeply turning away from their questioning gaze. He did not know how or if he could explain this statement to the girl in question.

_There was no more '' I am an angel of the Lord '' to be said, even if he caught himself almost using those words on more than one occasion._

Instead he'd settled on _lightworker, Avatar, Bodhisattva, or Ascended Master…._well he'd never really settled on anyone term-just gone through the motions of trying to reconnect with his father in any way possible. And now….now…..he was just a sham promising salvation and offering flesh. Castiel suddenly felt sullied in this girl's presence. A girl he could still feel the light of God in, he was despoiled by her and so looked down immediately- missing her visage.

'' Oh right, you _felt _her..'' Dean cocked a brow not sure of his friends choice of words, interrupting Castiel's sullen thoughts.

Tracy's eyes widened at the implication, he _felt _her-he had done no such thing-she huffed and planting her feet tilted her chin in angry defiance at the blue eyed man who suddenly seemed more interested in the pattern of sparse grass at their feet.

Tracy took his countenance for guilt.

'' I think I'd recall if you _felt_ me….'' she prepared for a long winded dressing down until she was interrupted, his voice so low it gnawed at her spin and sent tingles through her fingers.

'' You misunderstand me….'' he stated putting a hesitant hand on her shoulder, as if he wasn't sure he should.

He suddenly seemed much younger than his years, and when his eyes met hers they were nostalgic.

Dean had taken in everything with a quiet eye-he felt like something he couldn't understand was going on….something private. Castiel's eyes betrayed the wretchedness behind them for the first time in a long time, and the old angle shown through. Only now the deep lines around his eyes didn't seem so much like laugh lines…and they impressed powerfully- carving a story Dean could not comprehend.

'' Really than what is it you are implying….?'' she pressed.

Both men eyed each other like there was some kind of private joke going on at her expense. Because Dean finally understood what Castiel meant-his angel mojo had picked up on the girl. Now the whole feeling her thing with his mind was above Dean's pay grade but now he understood…sorta…what could be going on between Cas and the girl. But the angel bit was not something they up and told most people these days-especially since so many had grown to hate angels almost as much as demons. And Castiel understood this; he was also kind of ashamed to let someone like her know he was an agent, or ex-agent of God, when she was seemingly still attached to his father. And it's not like there was much angel left to him anyhow-but still…..

'' Doesn't matter….'' Castiel said in a small voice. Tracy looked into his face capturing his eyes, and knew not to press the issue. Something dark had happened in this man's life why should she bring him pain by making him relive it.

Too many people had secretes these days things they couldn't or didn't want to talk about, just as she had a set of her own-she couldn't expect this guy to spill his guts upon their first meeting. So she did what she thought was right, in accordance with her obviously causing him pain to begin with, she offered him comfort.

'' It's okay….'' she stated taking his hand from her shoulder, and placing it between hers. The blue eyed timeless man looked optimistic by her gesture, her small hand warm in his- that seemed to shake with emotion- and she went on.

'' Everyone has their dark places now days….You don't have to tell me about it..'' And she smiled before turning to go.

Castiel and Dean watched her retreating form, Cas with a crooked grin and Dean scratching his head.

'' Dude, either that girl is totally a box of fruit nuts or she really likes you….I mean she saw you with that circus act in the cabin and still gave you the benefit of the doubt…..Cas?'' Dean looked at his friend who still had that silly grin on his face-Dean knew that look-Cas was just as crazy about this chick as Dean guessed she might be for Cas.

'' Earth to Cas..''

Cas jolted a little shaking off whatever universal hole he'd fallen into.

'' You say something Dean..?''

'' Nevermind Cas….go get some sleep…'' And Dean pated his friends arm chuckling, he thought, this could get interesting-he'd never seen his friend get attached to any _one _girl-perhaps now some of those hidden wounds could be patched over.

**A/N: Okay mostly dialogue but a good set up for the friendship/lover relationship between Cas and Tracy-I tried to make Dean a little harsher, but didn't want to go the whole way seeing as he was pretty much an ass (in the episode) and this is a few years sooner, Cas-now that's interesting trying to mesh angel into more human piece them together-cause I think he would still be a bit of both. Tell me what you guys think.-Please review even if it's just to tell me to piss off-luv's doves and angel hugs-Corrode**


	3. Chapter 3

**Okay next chapter wrote half or most of this one while on vacation…didn't have the internet their so it took a little longer than I wanted it to-But already have a start on the next one,yay! Please review it's always nice to hear from the readers…and to know someone is reading..lol.**

**Luvs Corrode.**

**Chapter Three**

**Drawn Together**

'' **That every divine illumination, while going forth with love in various ways to the objects of its forethought, remain one. Nor is this all: it also unifies the things illuminated.''-The Celestial Hierarchy **

Tracy sat by the river with the other girls beating the wet laundry on the rocks and reveling in the task on such a hot day. In some spots the moss was so thick against the limestone and quartz granite, that it created a soft carpet for their bare toes to rest on in the water. The stream was thick and gurgling in some spots; yet smooth and hushed in others. The scenery varied in sensory output, measuring against the sighs, the sheer volume to be heard on the wind.

Tracy had pulled up her pant legs, propping the rest of her body in the yielding sand of the bank-she worked rapidly with her fingers the cloth folding in and out with the lard of the homemade soap. The suds dripped down her exposed forearm, tickling at the delicate skin beneath.

Tracy breathed in the scent of warm earth and dense foliage-it was a good day.

And she hummed a spirited tune as she worked.

The sun fired in pointed beams of inconsistent pathways through the thick trees, marking the women, with disarrayed places of heat and joining the weeping of sweat that flowered their skin.

Her long thick hair had been twisted into a braid and a strip of cloth held the rest away from her face. It was tight before her temporal lobes and loose where the hair fell though. The tiny tendrils tickled at her nose, making her want to smile, and reminding her of_ him_. Tracy's almond eyes shone with mischief as she spoke with the others, she knew her mood had increased since last night-but she was trying not to think of the reason why..trying to wish her way into denial about her feelings for a certain blue eyed man.

Tracy only hoped to forget him. If only she could. If only his pressing eyes didn't match in with the blue of the cobalt sky. If only…..his touch didn't seem to loiter so kindly leaving a sort of presence behind. Banging the cloth with a sigh of frustration she noticed how easily it was to slip back into thoughts of him. Today in fact it seemed that's all she'd been doing.

Why couldn't she just forget the man? He obviously wasn't the type to get all tittery over especially with his gaggle of female consummates. No consummation wasn't the right word…..he was frolicking enthusiastically as if they were at a Dionysus festival and he was the only man. Just the idea went against every principle she used to hold.

But times were different now.

And when he'd bent to touch her-she'd felt selflessness behind his mask, and something difficult to name had surfaced, almost a type of admiration.

But why would he admire _her?_

And damnit why the hell did she care?

'' So where'd you run off to last night sugar….'' Lynn asked her, Lynn's bangs brushing into her eyes; which squinted against the hot sun.

Lynn bit against her lip, and boldly lifted her caramel brow. She understood how to play Tracy; she understood the acting behind the song, and the careful yet precise way to phrase the question.

Lynn was an older woman one of Tracy's bordering confidants and the one she'd known the longest since…well since what had happened to Tracy's family. Lynn understood the agony of losing what was closest, and well Tracy-although not admittedly…understood this also. Lynn was the only one that knew the story because she had been there.

Lynn had watched as Tracy lost everything. Her life laid to ashes around her-Tracy's family shattered. Lynn understood the girl was more resilient than she seemed-with a thicker hide than the orneriest wild boar-Tracy came back swinging. But it was more than that…the girl had even retained something of herself, and Lynn admired that. So she looked out for the girl, even if the girl mostly didn't need it.

Lynn's huge grey eyes twinkled into Tracy's she knew something was up with the girl. She felt the difference that tugged at Tracy's heart-the difference, which pulled her expression into faulty lines, and swept the pain away.

Tracy was genuinely happy about something, Lynn felt it.

Because Lynn had languished just as Tracy did. Lynn's story was different than Tracy's but might as well of been the same. Their stories were just different sides of the same spectrum, one light the other dark. But in the end it made no difference how their loved ones had died, no one came back in this world, this world that struggled to hold on to the last bits of humanity with weakening fists.

Funny how much chaos it took to unite people in a common way. The camp they now were in they'd been in for nearly a year….didn't seem that long but it was. It was a good place, around fifty survivors. People worked together, some trained to fight; while others did manual jobs such as this.

It was the best place they'd been so far-hopefully more permanent than the others had been.

But that fact didn't make things any easier for the survivors-you kept going because you had to. You kept going and kept the pain at bay. And although the memories stayed, sometimes stopping in for a visit just to make things fresh, it reminded you of the reason you continued to fight. You went on. You lived for those lost. Was it revenge or justice- Lynn still didn't know-either way the circumstance was the same. You kept on like you were giving the finger to those bastards that had roasted the planet like they hadn't a care in the world.

Angel. Demon. It didn't matter…..not anymore.

A duct of sunshine picked its way towards the shaded riverbed and caught the pink tinge of Tracy's cheeks-showing without words that Lynn was onto something.

'' Come on girl, I see the roses in those cheeks-been a long 'un before I suspect to be seein you like this again..?'' Tracy blanched at her friends words.

'' I…well….I mean….'' Tracy didn't know what to say, she didn't want to lie but she wasn't sure she wanted to talk about it yet neither. Lynn sighed as she took in her friend's reluctance.

'' Alright girl…now spill…who is he?'' Tracy was at a complete loss for words now, was she that obvious?

And that's when her mind was made up for her as Castiel stepped out from the trees and began talking to some girls on the far bank. Tracy's eyes swung around as shock blossomed in her chest. He was wearing jeans, and a loose top-he had a cotton outer shirt that bellowed out around his frame like lose robes in the breeze. The yellow gold of the afternoon sun cast his head in its glow the dark hair lightened with its beam's, and then the blue of his eyes which had shown so clearly the night before was magnified in this light and Tracy found her breath catching-there was just something about him, she couldn't quiet put her finger on.

She tried to turn her attention back to her pile of cloths not aware of the way Lynn had studied her reaction.

'' You act like you never seen a man before girl…..where's your head off to?'' Lynn asked.

Tracy didn't have a chance to answer before she noticed the loud sloshing sound of approaching footsteps….oh no-he wasn't. She looked up to find the blue eyed man crossing the shallow part of the river with a strange quick kind of grace about him. He had a purpose to his blue eyes and his eye brows were set firm-she wondered whether it would be wise to run-as she didn't know what his _purpose_ was just that he looked determined.

But that would be cowardly she supposed-no matter that he was bearing down upon her with unknown persistent intention- with eyes like magnified lasers.

_What the hell was it about the man, Tracy wondered for the umpteenth time. _

'' Hello Castiel….'' she heard many of the other females calling out to him as he came closer. And damnit if it didn't piss her off-what was he the camp man whore? She found herself bristling and wanting to hiss at these other woman. Lynn spotted the jealous glance immediately.

'' Down girl, they're not worth it….besides looks like he's coming for you….''

'' I don't know if I want him to….he looks like he's gonna throw me over his shoulder or something….'' Tracy uttered, Lynn laughed.

'' And you look like you want him to…''

'' So I should just make it easy for him….'' She asked.

'' Now, now I didn't say that girl…''

Tracy listened as yet another girl pouted after him.

'' Cas, you never come down here-come sit by me….''

The man they were calling Castiel turned with a polite nod and turned the girl down- Tracy smiled a little to herself.

_Seemed he was coming for her….Tracy's cheeks colored brighter and her breath came out shorter. _

Castiel stepped up towards Tracy throwing his shadow over her laundry; she squinted up at him and waited to see what he had to say. He still looked determined yet stood silently for a good thirty seconds- Lynn laughed.

Tracy held her breath.

'' You got something to say….Cas was it?'' Lynn teased him, he turned towards her as if he was noticing her for the first time.

'' Castiel….my name is Castiel….I am an….I am Castiel…'' then his nervousness dropped away like a shield and his voice deepened. He felt surer of this than he had anything in a long time….and more the angel than the semi-human he had become. For reasons he'd yet to understand this was important.

Yet, as he looked down on her, small toes nestled into the moss at their feet, eyes like amber in the afternoon light of the brook….he faltered.

Damnit, angels didn't falter-they were agents of God. Even if Castiel no longer held the power of Heaven at his call-he was still a soldier of good, a warrior who'd once stood proudly against the forces of evil. And no matter what he was now, he wanted _this_…..felt like he needed it in fact.

And she was the source, she was the reason he felt passion for what he once lost- squaring his shoulders he stood tall like the angel he had been- so that even the air round him seemed to change. Castiel heard the whisperings of her mind more clearly than he had the other night and they prodded his confidence.

'' I came to see you….'' He stated boldly and looking at Tracy he smiled. The smile of a man who knows what he wants.

_He seems different; Tracy thought-barely suppressing a shudder. It was as if the air crackled around him-like he held some kind of extraneous power._

And she liked it.

'' What is your name..'' Castiel asked adding.

'' I forgot to ask last night….'' The girls around either snickered or huffed in outrage around her, had everyone been with this man but herself, Tracy wondered.

'' Tracy….'' She confessed.

He looked thoughtful, as he offered his hand.

Tracy felt like she'd been shuffling through thick carpet and now was reaching for the door-nob. Whatever power he held within met sparking with hers as her hand came forward.

_Dear God give me strength, she thought-and he tilted his head….again like he had heard her prayer. _

Castiel had in fact heard the prayer; it had been years since he'd heard any one prey. He'd also noticed that same warm glow from the night of before…..could this girl somehow still be connected to his Father? And if she was…how?

'' I am Castiel….Tracy…'' the way he said it, deep and almost purring like it was the most wonderful word ever, or that she should already know him, had Tracy glancing upward again.

Oh boy, he was looking at her like he would take her right their if he could. Or were those her thoughts? She put her hand into his and surprising her he turned it up bringing it to his lowering lips and he kissed it tenderly. The contact of his lips was even more scorching, as gasps sounded from all around.

Castiel's pulling eyes did not leave Tracy's.

He'd kissed it as if she were the Queen of England…..and his eyes flashed….or seemed to with some kind of inner lightening. Even Castiel seemed surprised at the turn of events, he smiled quietly.

What the hell was it about this man, it's not that he was obviously feral or anything. But he was surprising, it's like there was a piece to him he turned off and on at will. It was something that spoke of edges of darkness and light, battles and knights-it was a kind of exhilarating danger that spilled off of him when she least was expecting it.

And at the same time she felt soothed….protected.

Tracy grinned and let the touch remain longer than necessary; before, he pulled back, taking the electricity with him as if he was embarrassed by this display of affection. Then running his hand along the back of his neck, he broke eye contact

'' I was hoping you would come by tonight..'' He said lightly.

He wanted to see her…tonight, excitement bubbled in her chest until she thought about it. He probably just wanted her to partake in some nightly orgy ritual-sure she wanted him-but to herself-so okay she was being greedy but she wasn't feeling the whole group thing.

Castiel could feel her disinclination even before she answered. But it made no sense to him he could feel her desire to be with him even as she answered.

'' I don't know Cas…'' she answered not even realizing how she'd slipped so intimately into the nickname she heard others using. Castiel did though and cocking his head looked thoroughly confused.

'' Why not….I wanted your company..'' He intoned quietly, the powerful aura withering as he spoke.

Tracy hated the look on his face then and tried to rush in to salvage the damage.

'' It's just I'm not into the whole group thing….'' And she smiled to lighten the blow.

_God in Heaven help him understand. _

She was praying…..for _him_. The irony was almost laughable….perhaps he truly didn't deserve her company. And now he wanted no ones. He was a fool, worse than a fool-to think this treasure of his Father's creation would spend time with a cast out.

His shoulders sank as next he spoke.

'' Oh…..well- I…'' he didn't seem to know what to say, at which point other girls around began shouting that they would join him.

'' Perhaps, I'll just be alone then…..'' He bowed and departed on a wave of protests, looking so crestfallen Tracy was about to leap after him, until she felt her friends hand on her elbow.

'' Girl….just give him time to stew on it….I suspect he hasn't been turned down like that quiet often enough-he'll come back around if really wants your company….'' Lynn smiled tightly and they returned to the washing.

* * *

'' Cas, if you really like a girl you can't just walk up to her and invite her over for what she probably thinks is an orgy…..'' Dean sighed.

'' I should have clarified myself…'' Castiel asked.

'' In the least….look I don't claim to know much about getting a girl…. besides in the sack but I think you want more than that right?''

'' I didn't postulate….I just wanted to be around her….'' Castiel furrowed his brow an old expression Dean missed sometimes; it was nice to see his friend in this way-perhaps this girl was good for him.

Castiel made Dean promise not to approach the girl-Dean crossed his fingers behind his back and agreed. Castiel had been sober for the first time in a long time for almost all day, and although Dean was happy to see his friend loosen up Cas had become almost too loose-and it made Dean crazy, and pissed. He was pissed at Cas's no good brothers, pissed at Satan, but most of all he was pissed at himself for looking away too often from the escalation in Cas's new habits.

And even if Castiel mostly wore a smile it was one of those fake smiles-the kind used to cover up defeat-Dean understood the smile well-for he had used it himself for a good amount of years.

* * *

Tracy was surprised when Dean showed up at her cabin door at twilight- with a bottle of mead and a smile. But she didn't want to appear rude; especially since he was the camp leader of

sorts so she smiled and leaned back on the doorjamb; opting instead for casual friendliness.

'' Is that a peace offering…?'' She intoned nodding towards the bottle.

'' And why would you say that sweetheart..?'' Dean slipped into a grin so floppy she imagined he'd been practicing it for years-probably since high school. And it looked good on him to…too bad he knew it.

'' Could be any number of reasons…'' she assumed loudly, mildly amused.

'' Really..?''

'' But not sure we should discuss them here….most people are asleep by now-long day and all that….and if you're offering up some kind of treaty I sure would like to hear the words from your own cocky lips…'' Dean guffawed; which only served to make him even more adorable, and offered his arm.

'' My cabin then..'' Dean stated, and then added.

'' As long as were clear on the boundaries….''

'' Yours or mine….?'' She asked poking him in the ribs.

_He was a definite charmer when he wanted to be, and if her mind hadn't been on Cas it might have been all too easy to fall into those green orbs that shone clear in the golden lamplight._

'' We could draw up a contract….'' she supplied and then finally burst into gales of laughter that drew up on the wind and echoed inside Castiel's lonely cabin as the two passed arm in arm.

Dean ready to charm said girl into a state of ecstatic joy over his friend, grinned in return. Tracy just enjoying the idea of perhaps getting to know more about the blue eyed man through his friend-And Castiel wishing he had saved that last can of peaches to chuck out his window at his _friend's _fading form.

Okay so yeah Castiel knew about that part of Dean but had never resented it as much as he did right then. He was sure Dean would never do that to him but then why did he feel so much like Dean was doing it then…And why did he care if his friend seduced Tracy?

Tracy didn't belong to Castiel, and definitely not in the way Dean would take to _knowing_ her.

Castiel stared out into the starlight that brushed against the last residue of the horizons light; staring after the noise and presence he had come to recognize as Tracy's unique blend. He wondered about the girl. He didn't understand why he was drawn to her, or why he'd asked Dean to stay away. It just seemed as if something about her made him remember Heaven's light. And the way Dean had looked at him, as if Dean understood something that should have been observable.

_He should have known Dean wouldn't listen, when had Dean ever listened to him?_

**A/N; Oooooh, some jealousy…..think poor Cas has no idea of his feelings though-I'm sure he'll let Dean know of course…lol-next chap- time to up the sneaky factor-throw in some crazy details, and I don't want to give too much away, but Sam will not be left out-so don't worry Samgirls….Me I've come to appreciate all the guys…bound to happen after five years of watching. Hopefully I will be able to meet Misha/Castiel as well-as soon as possible please….**


	4. Chapter 4

**Okay next chapter up..sorry for the delay but I am such a perfectionist, and I want you guys to read hopefully without any weird holes. So this is the intro to Sam….dark Sam of course, yay-and I am still not sure if I am satisfied so if you guys see anything out of place let me know, as I have only my own perspective to go by. I'm hoping it flows well and all the pieces are patched nicely. Oh yeah and about the length I didn't mean for it to be this long…but the last section took the scenic route and I hope you guys enjoy it. Please review it helps a mighty deal since I still have misgivings about my own talent and advice is soooooo welcome. So onto the story. Peace love and angel hugs to all (well a disgruntled part angel anyway-and if any one has any advice on plot I'm all up for that as well.-Corrode**

**Chapter Four**

**Swirling Fog **

**And**

**Wistful Spanking**

''**There is always some madness in love. But there is also some reason in madness.''-Friedrich Nietzsche (1884-1900) **

'' **The formulation of the archetypes is described as an empirically derived concept, like that of the atom; it is a concept based not only on medical evidence but on observations of mythical, religious and literary phenomena, these archetypes are considered to be primordial images, spontaneous products of the psyche which do not reflect any physical process, but are reflected in them.''—Carl Jung—**_**Archetypes of the Collective Unconscious**_

'' **Satan has won another victory against us, and the strange thing was he had the help of the Bishop. So much for keeping promises…'' Steve Johnson (sorry folks this one just made me laugh, couldn't help adding it here) **

_The cold bite of steel…..And the whisper of a smooth voice._

'' _Tracy….'' the voice seemed familiar yet not at all. Her eyes tried to focus on the hazy pictures around her, the smell of cold damp earth and the eyes of the dark figure which seemed to fade in and out like a camera lens that was turning._

_Tall, the figure was tall-so tall that he seemed to appear above her instead of stand beside her. And he was cold, like ribbons of ice had wrapped his skin and now reached for her. Tracy wished she could back away but she felt almost disembodied…immobile yet planted firmly but not in anything solid, not in anything real. _

_Why did this dream seem so familiar, the thought surfaced but then slipped quickly through as the man came more sharply into the focal point of her vision. _

_He was so close now Tracy's eyes darted over his features- taking in pieces at a time. The sharp angled lines of his face, that seemed to soften upon meeting his coffee eyes, the way he looked at her with utter sympathy his slowly curving lips smiling benignly. For the entire world she wanted that comfort held in the cradle of his pupil….and the rest of the fear in her situation dissipated as his long fingers brushed against hers._

_The smoke receded to the edges around them tendrils that eddied, making room in the soft white currents for them, and only them. Tracy felt like she'd been carried away, somewhere between the resonances of time-somewhere only they existed._

_The man nodded when she closed her eyes- in understanding-and he smiled more fully, the crooked grin endearing-covering any doubt that peeked through._

_And the tall dark haired man spoke._

'' _Where are you Tracy….?'' The voice seemed to be the only thing tangible in this dream; she must have passed out….drank too much….something…._

'' _I want to help you Tracy….to give you something…..But you must tell me where you are….'' The voice was softly cajoling smooth as fine whisky and made her want to tell him whatever he wished. The fog cleared again- long enough to see that pair of deep hazel eyes, beneath brows drawn tight with consideration._

_She felt dizzy in the tide of smoke-back and forth in the waves…not quiet here not quiet there. _

_Cold lips whispered over the line of her neck, fingertips trailing her cheek. Tracy tried to get a grip on her racing thoughts….something about this didn't feel right but she couldn't seem to stop herself from telling this handsome man everything. _

'' _With Dean….'' She answered without permeable._

'' _I knew that much Tracy…..'' she frowned, how would he know that?_

'' _Then why did you ask?'' she demanded. There was no answer only another statement._

'' _I want only to help…'' The dream was twisting and starting to scare her as the man pulled again out of focus his voice that was such a comfort leaving her behind._

'' _Who the Hell are you….?'' She screamed._

'' _One of my names is Sam….Will you remember Tracy?'' _

'' _Of course, but I'm scared….'' she allowed her thoughts to be spoken out loud, and the man chuckled._

'' _There is nothing to be frightened of Tracy….I only wish to help….'' Cold hands smoothed down her shaky shoulders-offering a frigid comfort but a comfort none the less._

'' _Help with what..'' She croaked out, she couldn't seem to decide whether to want to push him away or pull him closer. It was then Castiel entered her mind making the hands of Sam stop their comforting gesture. _

_Now Castiel was in my head as I dream as well-that's great-I must be going loopy, Tracy thought, and then noticed the stillness of the man before her. _

_He seemed surprised, before he smiled in an almost chilling way. _

'' _Oh, Tracy I hadn't realized Castiel was still around…''_

_**Okay this dream was getting weirder (if it was a dream, the idea sounded quietly in the back of her head)**_

'' _And you have feelings for him…yes, I can see that…'' The man crooned smoothly, a glee she didn't understand in his expression._

_Sam came closer then wrapping her in his long armed embrace and breathing icy breath into her hair on the crown of her head. He pulled her away slightly, smiling down at her and using his fingers to tilt her face upwards. His mouth was cold upon hers, hands moving again-this time not so much in comfort, but a strange hunger that had seemed to rise out of nowhere. Tracy thought about breaking away…..if this was only a dream why did this seem so odd, she should be enjoying being kissed by the handsome Sam, or whatever he said his name was._

_Tracy's body shook with the cold that now was over her, like the frostbitten wind of early morning, and her shaking only seemed to excite Sam all the more._

_He broke off suddenly, breathing deeply like he was troubled by the ferocity of his own feelings, Tracy gasped for air and stared wide eyed at the tall man…..What the hell was going on, why this suddenly didn't feel like a dream at all. _

_Sam pushed Tracy away running a hand shakily through sable hair, composing himself he faced her with a small smile._

'' _I apologize….you intrigue me Tracy…We'll see each other soon…'' Then turning he walked off into the fog, a smooth elegance to his long gait. _

_Tracy called after him. She didn't want to be alone….never again._

* * *

Tracy awoke to a concerned and bedraggled looking Dean.

'' You were having a nightmare….'' He guessed. Bingo on that one, she thought wryly. Noticing both of their slumped postures across the wooden table from each other..at least she hadn't slept with him.

'' Yeah weird floating head…..'' she mumbled stumbling a little over the name '' Sam ''…Dean did a double- take beside her…..But surely, it couldn't be his Sam….it was a common name-he thought.

* * *

'' You agreed to _what_?'' Castiel was furious, he'd come to confront Dean about last night and Dean had told him _this_. What the **fuck **was wrong with his friend; surely he had to know this was too dangerous. Tracy did not belong in with the rest of them, going out on raids; fighting the enemy first hand….she wasn't a warrior. Castiel sighed in frustration.

'' Cas, she insisted on learning….and after that dream she had….'' Dean cut off seeing the look in Castiel's eyes and realizing he'd crossed some line with the ex-angel.

Cas's eyes narrowed when he heard the alluding to Tracy's dreams-and he could only think of one thing: Why would the pure and innocent girl let herself be taken in by Dean and not even consider visiting _him_.

Perhaps, he had been wrong about her-Castiel seethed…his breathing harsh, he hadn't felt this angry in a very long time. And Dean seemed to recognize the signs as he looked warily at Cas, even managing to stay silent in the face of Castiel's obvious rage.

Castiel's fists tightened as he worked to simmer this inferno, he'd almost forgotten what it felt like….Could be the lack of his usual numbing agents, something he would have to remedy once back at the cabin.

'' What kind of dream…'' he asked huskily turning away from Dean to bypass the emotion's that might surface if he looked his friend in the face.

'' I'm not completely sure….but in the dream she heard a name….'' Dean broke off. He hadn't seen Sam in a couple years but from what he did know if it was Sam…..Dean couldn't help the helplessness that ate at the idea-Should he tell Castiel, tell him that something felt very wrong like some missing piece was suddenly falling into place.

'' She wishes _this_ because of a dream..'' Castiel couldn't help the bitter laugh from escaping.

'' Does she understand what she's asking…..'' Castiel's head dropped an inch and then he swung around fixing Dean with a suddenly hard stare.

_How could she really know, Castiel pondered…she was so small…and young….Oh Damn her, he was trying to be upset with her-and still he worried. _

'' I promised her you would help out….'' Dean said in a no-nonsense kind of way, earning him another dry laugh from his friend.

'' I fail to see what I could do…''

'' I don't care what you do….teach her to play Yatzee or Pin the Head on the Donkey for all I care….'' Dean smiled, he'd signed Cas up on purpose-his friend wanted to spend time with her so he would, and if he wanted to so bad he'd think of something to teach the girl.

'' And why would she want to spend time with me when she has you to lie around with….'' Cas tried to sound casual as he said this instead of irate like he felt.

That's when Dean realized what his friend was so upset about, he laughed-chucking Cas on the shoulder. Castiel spun around angered at the flippant tone Dean was taking, the outer jacket he wore spinning out around him.

Dean almost flinched at the look glared his way, bracing himself for impact if Cas decided to swing.

'' I fail to see the humor Dean…I asked you to stay away….thought for once you would listen…..'' Castiel stopped as Dean's taunting broke through his rant.

'' Awww, your jealous….''

'' Don't be childish Dean…'' Castiel stated, sure his friend had to be wrong-he had nothing to be jealous about, right? Dean could sleep with whomever he pleased, even if it was Tracy. Of course he didn't care; he didn't care about anything anymore. He had no reason to, Castiel thought, irritated he'd let himself slip backwards into old memories and territory-it reminded him of why he did the self medicating.

When he didn't, he hurt.

'' Listen Cas..'' Dean stated putting his hand on Castiel's shoulder he leaned in towards his friend, and continued.

'' You wanted to spend time with her, now you can….I mean come on, make something up…shooting, combat…whatever, you get in their…you get your foot in the door…''

Castiel looked back at Dean, narrowing his eyes before he finally smiled-just a little.

'' Fine…when?'' Cas asked.

'' Tonight after dinner….she'll be by your place-you guys can set up from their….'' Dean was very proud of himself for setting this up, I mean sure it hadn't been his idea, but this way they could get to know each other under the guise of business-no pressure added.

'' And Cas…'' Dean said turning to his friend with a raised brow.

'' Clear the schedule….no orgies..'' Dean smiled. Castiel chuckled.

* * *

'' I'm going to tell you….I don't think this is a good idea….'' Castiel stated his jaw firm with resolve. Tracy looked up at him, her position on the floor making it seem as if he was looming above her. She could see that strange undercurrent of power, which seemed to shimmer in the air around him. She sighed. Dean had told her how Castiel felt on the subject and she'd prepared to argue-she just couldn't find the words as he stared down on her with such intense conviction.

'' I don't see what the big deal is….you and Dean do it-why would it be so weird for me to learn how to defend myself?'' She crossed her arms. He sighed and keeping eye contact bent towards her taking her hands in his.

'' What did you dream about that made you want to learn these things…'' His voice was soft as his eyes.

Tracy wondered how he could do that to her…..make her want to tell him everything with just a look, she sighed.

'' It was just a dream…''she replied trying to avoid his gaze.

'' Seems to me it was not _just a dream…._'' Castiel turned her face towards him, she gulped nervously….His scrutiny met her walls and she trembled beneath it…..closing her eyes to steel her resolve. She didn't want to tell him about the dream because now it seemed silly how much the dream scared her and she didn't want him to see that weakness in her.

_Please God I can't….._

Castiel tilted his head upon hearing the silent plea….he didn't understand why this girl felt so compelled against his wishes. But he wanted to know….to understand. He could see the slight shiver in her form, the tremble-so small-of her bottom lip. That made him want to pull her into his arms and…..and…

And he wasn't sure what he wanted to do.

He closed his eyes in confusion, what was wrong with him…How could a creature such as he offer solace to _her._ But he wanted to…to make that look in her distant eyes go away.

'' Tracy….'' he spoke enunciating her name smoothly and opening his eyes.

'' Please know that I wish only to understand….Why would a dream have you wanting to learn these things….once you are in this fight it is not reversible…..'' He looked at her before standing.

Tracy chewed her bottom lip….perhaps she owed him some kind of explanation….he would be doing her a favor. Tracy rose waking towards his retreating form, his back stiffening. The room around them glowed in the candle light smoothing the area in its lovely glow…it made things less harsh, made things beautiful.

'' Castiel….'' she spoke grasping his shoulder in her hands; he turned facing her, barriers falling between them as they stood in the lighted glow.

'' Forgive me….'' she started.

'' That is not my place…'' Castiel stated, Tracy giggled.

'' Of course it is….Cas. I was rude I guess I'm just a little rusty on the whole human communication thing….'' His eyebrows descended and he seemed confused, so she went on.

'' I suppose I am just scared it seems silly of me….but that was a knee jerk reaction…I will tell you about the dream-although I'm not sure it will help you understand anything, it doesn't help me….''

They both sat down.

'' It was strange….the dream, I mean….at first I thought that's all it was…''

'' What was it about…'' Tracy sighed; she hadn't even gone into detail with Dean about the dream, considering his reaction, a reaction she hadn't been expecting. There was so much alarm in Dean's eyes, he'd tried to cover it but had obviously been taken off guard.

'' I was floating….'' She started. Castiel narrowed his eyes, indicating for her to go on.

'' In this foggy haze…I could feel, or maybe recognize my form but could hardly move….everything was too….heavy….''

'' I don't see how that…'' he started before being cut off.

'' That's not all….''

'' I heard a man's voice….he said my name…but I could hardly focus on him….at first..'' Castiel leaned closer.

'' Who was this man…'' He asked.

'' He told me that one of his names was Sam….'' She watched as Castiel visibly paled, blinking quickly in succession.

_Had to be a coincidence….right…he thought his heart hammering away beneath his chest. _

'' What did he want…'' he almost croaked out, Tracy noted the visible reaction.

'' Who is he, both you and Dean react as if you know something I don't….'' Tracy speculated.

'' What did he want….'' Castiel persisted.

'' He said he wanted to help me…asked where I was….'' Tracy didn't want to go into the sexual aspect of the dream, why that wasn't important. Castiel didn't need to know about the smooch session.

Castiel thought about it, it was wrong to feel so alarmed….why would Sam or what looked like Sam more likely….be after Tracy. Unless he was using her to get to Dean.

'' What did he look like Tracy….''

'' He was tall, really tall….with longish dark hair, and really kind eyes….''

Castiel swallowed hard, trying to convince himself that the knot in his stomach was not there for a good reason.

'' I will teach you…'' He said simply.

* * *

Tracy didn't understand their reaction and neither Castiel nor Dean would tell her. But for whatever the reason behind their response to hearing her dream, or more so the mysterious name in said dream, they were more than willing to train her. Castiel had done a complete about face on his earlier objections and agreed to train her to protect herself. It was driving her crazy not knowing the why and she kept hoping to wear them down but both seemed to have a black belt in avoiding questions.

Then sometimes Cas would gaze in her direction and just stare- an expression she couldn't even read in his eyes….at first it was comical and kinda flattering but now….

Now she couldn't fathom his response. He of course treated her with a careful kind of respect, never getting too close and neither holding her too far apart. Whatever the reason- the dynamic in their initial boy meets girl had changed and it frustrated her to not know why. Gone was the obvious attraction he'd shown that day on the river bank, in its place was a certain kind of doting uncle attitude.

Dean treated her the same as he always had and she got the feeling that that was just the kind of person he was- easily to dismiss unordinary circumstances-with a smile.

She had begun praying more than ever now, just not for herself. Tracy prayed for the patience to understand the two now more important men in her life, spending so much time with both in training exercises that she'd come to care about the stubborn lugs.

But she was fast nearing her threshold for pushing aside the unspoken elephant in the room.

Tracy wanted answers, answers neither male would provide.

Every night the same dream….which she choose not to talk about with them. Perhaps she was being childish not telling them it hadn't been a onetime deal. But she was so frustrated with their obscurity, and they hadn't asked.

She knew she was losing patience with the both of them and was trying hard to be magnanimous but she kept catching herself snapping and barking when they didn't deserve it.

Snapping and barking more and more often.

Thinking these thoughts she went to Castiels feeling more than a little disparaging, and disgruntled.

Castiel grabbed Tracy from behind his arms snaking around her waist- to trap her tightly against him, in a move she might have seen coming if she hadn't been so lost in her thoughts.

The feel of his hands and the deep timbre of his voice broke through like a rainstorm. And now she was thinking about how much she loved to hate him.

Thin line my girl, she thought to herself sardonically.

They had been sparing off for fifteen minutes tonight, she was getting a little better, and he made sure to go lightly on her- his swift grace she imagined was not over come as easily as she would have liked. If only she could pin him to the floor, and hand him down her own brand of inquisition.

What a satisfying lark that would be on her part, Tracy imagined.

Pressed fully into his energy her back to his moldered body…She tried to keep her combusting thoughts to a minimum.

God surely had a wicked sense of humor when it came to her.

Their routine was for her to show up and he would come at her from different locations. Sometimes he came stealthily out of the shadows of the darkened room, sometimes from the trees or roof, he was creative and it was usually enjoyable-ending with both of them exhausted in a heap.

Tracy admired him for his slyness; it kept her on her toes. Unfortunately tonight she couldn't help the annoyance that leaked through.

What were they hiding from her and what right did they have to hide something that obviously, like the nose on her face included herself as well.

It had been _her_ dream damnit, she cursed to herself.

'' You are not focusing Tracy, that was…..too easy….'' Cas breathed into her ear earning him a snarled looking grin from her- that had he seen it would have surprised the man.

'' I admit to a wandering mind…..'' she stated flatly trying to quell her irritation, she could feel his heart beating against her back and the grip of his hands flush to her stomach.

Libido be damned, she contemplated-Tracy wanted answers.

Anger and merging passion crept forward from inside her…things she was feeling around him too much-and what pissed her off more, at the moment, was over the weeks she'd watch him deny what she couldn't suppress. This frickin insane sexual tension they shared, tension he pushed away again and again. It was hard having those long silent moments (you know the ones in which a kiss seemed inevitable) and her waiting to be kissed only to be left shaky and horney. She didn't know how much longer she could put up with it.

Eventually _she_ would have to seduce _him_….Tracy laughed imaging her tiny self carrying off Castiel to ravish him. If she were a cave man she would have already beat him over the head to drag him off for her own. But alas being five foot five-she more likely would of had to chloroform him and with a makeshift stretcher cart him off into the woods.

Or some kind of pulley device, she stifled a giggle.

So his denial and her anger for him not telling her why they strove so hard to teach her, was making her irrational in her actions-and she didn't like it.

Damned emotions, she thought.

_Please God give me a hand here._

It was then Castiel spoke, still holding her tight.

'' To where does your mind wander…..little one..'' It was a nice nickname, but felt only insulting right now….is that what she was to him….a child.

'' I was thinking of Sam….'' She said hastily, trying to get some kind of reaction from him. He steeled against her words.

_Perhaps, there was a way to get that thickheaded attention._

'' There is no reason for that….'' He stated enigmatically.

What the hell was that supposed to mean anyway, she wondered.

'' Oh I don't know, he is very handsome…'' She almost giggled in wicked glee, if he wouldn't admit the tension between them was their-perhaps she'd just force it out. It was a low play she knew but she wasn't feeling like she should care.

'' You said yourself he was only a dream…..'' Castiel spoke intrepidly. Tracy could feel his hands moving slightly on her stomach, his head lowering to where his lips almost brushed the back of her neck.

Oh no, she thought-don't act as if everything is peachy you basterd, she screamed in her head.

'' I'm not stupid Cas….I saw the way you guys reacted to the name….And still you ignore my questions..'' Tracy said this and then remembered something she had not mentioned before to them.

It could serve her purpose well.

'' He talked about you….you know..'' He didn't respond out loud but his fingers urged her tighter against his warmth.

_Castiel wished she would let this subject drop, hopefully he or Dean would never need to tell her there thoughts on the matter. But he wanted her ready; he needed her ready- in case it was not just a dream._

'' Said he didn't realize you were still around…..'' Tracy continued oblivious to the ex-angels thoughts and craving some kind of reaction. His breathing became almost ragged on her neck and back as Tracy went on trying to get him to say something. Perhaps, she felt -if his body language was any indication she was reaching him in some way.

So Tracy continued, softening a little as the memories surfaced.

'' He made me feel peculiar like I wanted to run….but also like I _wanted him_….'' Tracy whispered the last part, she was being honest and she hadn't expected to be giving confessions herself. But there it was and she'd wished for his comfort more now than ever.

She was frightened….Tracy wished she could believe it was just a dream but she couldn't.

_Dear God I don't want to be alone…..never again…_

Castiel heard her prayer, over the last few weeks his connection to her had matured….And he wasn't sure if this was a good thing; especially since she might be in danger. But he couldn't keep those feelings from increasing. So instead he tried to work to not let it show. She was trying his patients though; he knew because he'd felt her anger at him. But he wasn't sure why she would tell him these things -even if he could admit it bothered him.

What could she want from him that was his to give….he hadn't much left now days? Castiel was powerless and hopeless. Good only for false promises and pretty lies. And he did want to give her more, that's what he was trying to do-but she seemed despondent lately.

And he hated himself more than ever for this.

_Why did she even stay in his company, he wondered. _

'' Sam kissed me Castiel….'' He was pulled away from his thoughts by words he didn't expect to hear.

And that was when the damn broke-what he couldn't give her because she deserved so much more-she would take willingly from _Sam. _

Castiel seethed, even if he couldn't give her that despoiled, he was despoiled, kind of affection-she would search it out in anyone….

His self efficacy was drowned in thoughts of Tracy-small beautiful and naive girl that she was…she deserved better than that, better than him.

And if only he could find someone worthy, Castiel pondered- self loathing reaching its peak in a turmoil of rage at himself.

He pulled back from her, emotions filling his lungs and pounding in his head….he couldn't look at her, was having a hard time talking to her.

He looked so _shattered _if it was possible to look so hurt and angry while hardly moving, she looked at him worried she'd gone too far- her thoughts of triumph broken with one look at him. That wasn't worth it at all, she realized. That electric energy inside him seemed to expand, to force out all the air from around them, and she wanted to shrink away but was caught too horribly inside the moment.

_What had she done, she thought beseechingly. _

'' Cas….'' Tracy tried moving toward him, her hand reaching to comfort, it shrunk back at the deadly calm of his voice, and she flinched.

'' You let him kiss you….''

'' I didn't really have a choice….he um….held me to him…'' Tracy glanced up Castiel had a look of censure on his face. She didn't understand, did he hate her now.

'' And did he take other liberties….''

'' Um….I guess he copped a feel…'' She stepped back when the look in his eyes intensified, a strangled cry stuck in her vocal chords, she couldn't fathom the implication behind those burning widened depths.

Once, Castiel saw the fear in her eyes, he came up with the only course of action he could think of: making her understand she couldn't go around kissing just any man. He would give her a demonstration and hopefully she would react different than she had with Sam, if his instincts were right about it not only being a dream.

Castiel would prepare her, or so he told himself.

'' So you would let any man kiss you….and lay hands upon you….'' His head snapped back up, a strange smile playing about his mouth.

Tracy shivered at the abrupt change in his demeanor.

'' Of course I wouldn't…..I….'' Castiel reached out as she spoke, so quick it seemed unnatural to her, pulling her to him.

Tracy's eyes widened her mouth inches from his; he smiled darkly down at her. Sliding his arms down her back he gripped her hips tightly bringing them closer together. The long length of his fingers squeezed through the material of her pants, thinning the fabric between them, Tracy gasped. As he spoke his breath mingled with hers.

'' I am a man Tracy…''

Castiel looked down on her….this was more satisfying than he thought it would be. Tracy needed to understand she couldn't just go around letting any man kiss her. And he wanted to teach her this lesson. Yet, she didn't seem to be learning anything, as she stood against him like a small rabbit trapped by the fox.

_Oh my, Tracy reasoned…..she could get used to this._

'' Yeah….kinda hard to miss Cas….especially up close….'' Tracy smiled trying to comprehend where he was going with this, sometimes you just never knew with him. She was hoping he would kiss her but already that hungry look was being replaced with something else.

_Balls, she thought…he must just be trying to make some kind of point…._

'' You were supposed to struggle….'' He stated raising his brow.

'' Really?….You looked like you wanted to spank me…'' She retorted not being able to diffuse the situation if not for him but for herself.

'' I have a mind to….'' He replied, too serious for her taste.

Tracy couldn't help but laugh (hiding the dejection she felt), her laughter leading her back into more serious issues.

'' Did you really let him kiss you…'' He asked.

_Why the hell do you care? She should have spat, but couldn't bring herself to-damn her and her soft spot for the guy. All he'd been trying to do was….was….What the hell had that been about, if he'd held her any closer they might as well of been conjoined twins. _

Tracy sighed and just gave him the truth, all hope of romance gone….didn't mean she couldn't tease him however.

'' Yeah…it was weird, kinda came out of nowhere-surprised me..ya know…''

'' Is that normal behavior for you….'' Castiel asked.

_What did he think she was the Virgin Mary…..or perhaps Mary Magdalene. _

'' Whats the deal Cas….I am a woman you know-I get urges just like you….''

He seemed to be taken back by this bit of info.

That's when it hit her….perhaps the attraction was all hers…didn't mean she couldn't tease the guy though.

'' Don't be taken in by the packaging Cas….I am not a little girl….And if I _am_ such a _little girl_ why are you holding onto my ass like it's a life boat…'' Tracy looked at him, at which point he deftly released her.

'' I was teaching you…'' He stated firmly, Tracy laughed at his disheveled appearance.

'' If that's what I get for kissing Sam- remind me to need spanking more often….''

_She was teasing him, right, Castiel wondered looking after her in the doorway as she sauntered away-he'd never noticed the definite sway to her hips until then. He needed to be more careful around her….he'd always had a weakness for….well for women in general-and he had been taking her too lightly. He would not- could not sleep with his unlikely charge, she deserved better than he had to offer. Because even if she was very attractive-it's not like he slept with every woman he met. He did feel something and maybe his body had responded when he held her close….But he couldn't help that from happening. Castiel was a drop out, and Tracy she was….special. Even if he wanted her for himself he would never admit it because she trusted him. Castiel thought perhaps he should talk to Dean about the dream, about everything. _

**A/N: Yes Cas is in major denial(what fun would it be otherwise) And yes that is Sam, but I fear I will have to take some artistic liberties with him, sure he's a bit evil and I think his powers will reach angelic standards….but fear not my friends he is Sam non-the less…part Sam and part Lucifer….geuss he's still fighting for the reigns so to speak….don't want to say too much-you'll have to find out. Hope you all are enjoying the story-and poor Tracy she's caught in the middle and has no idea what the hell is going on. Any confusion for you guys and I will try and clear it up. Luvs Corrode**

**P.S. I am half way though '' Reckoning '' in the next chapter-that story will not be for the faint of heart I'm pushing the limits…might have to put up more warnings actually….lol..;P**


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